greener grass

I am wondering and pondering on this old saying "THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE"
but is it? Is it really? Says who? I am 'Switzerland' on this....because I think it truly depends on the situation and the circumstances.
Like, if someone is in an abusive relationship, not all relationships are like that, so therefore, the grass is greener on the other side.
Get my drift?
Or what about people who have affairs? They could be feeling BORED or UNAPPRECIATED in their relationship, or whatever their 'reason', at the end of the day, it is a poor excuse, because it is never okay to have an affair, too many people get hurt for that person's moment or ongoing moments.
I have known of alot of people who have had affairs, and realised it ain't all it is cracked up to be and their partner wasn't so bad after all.
I remember this woman, who my ex and I caught in a public place with her 'affair', she didn't know what to do when she saw us, she had waiting at home a husband and 2 kids. It put us in an awkward position because we didn't know if we should tell her husband. We ended up agreeing to stay out of it, knowing her guilt and fear would get the better of her and she would confess to her husband, probably worried we would tell him first.
So she ended up telling him, she then left her husband and her kids to be with the guy she was having the affair with, she ran off with him, didn't really bother with her kids for about 18mths, then broke up with the guy and wanted her fucking family back!!!!  Her husband didn't take her back and he has custody of their kids.
So there ya go, she thought the fucking grass was greener and she was fucking wrong! She ended up losing the guy, her husband and her kids!
Look, I totally understand that we aren't always truly happy or content with what we have, whether it be our relationships, our jobs, our homes. Someone is always gonna have life bigger and better, or so we think...
 Maybe the family across the road with the nice cars, the boat, the pets, the big modern house, the great jobs, the 5 kids, maybe they aren't always happy, maybe they sit and wonder about if the grass is really greener on the other side too?
I know I have thought it, I contributed big time to my marriage breakdown and I truly regret it all, all the shitty parts that got me to where I am now.

So my lovely wonderers and ponderers, have you ever wondered if the grass is greener on the other side? Have you taken that peek? If so, was it? Is it?

My mind is curiouser and curiouser!!!

M.R xo

postnatal depression

I think I have the right to blog about this as I have been through it myself.
I know it is a touchy subject, and most people do not understand until they have been through it themselves.
Watching someone go through it, does not always make you understand what they are experiencing, alot of people involved take it personally, like we who have or are going through postnatal depression are doing it on purpose, because we are a bitch, or nasty or just plain nuts.
Believe me, it is none of those reasons, we don't purposely go through it!
The reason why I am bringing it up is because my friend was telling me how her guy friend has just kicked his partner out of their home (oh sorry, HIS home, ya know coz he paid for it! typical, heard that line a zillion times before) because she is suffering from postnatal depression! She has a 3yr old from a previous relationship and a 10mth old with him. Apparently she has suffered with depression before, so just in my opinion, has probably never gotten over that form of depression, probably suffered postnatal depression with her first child and now with this child, so it is very likely she never got over the other depressions, and now they are combined.
She has only recently agreed to take medication, but from what it sounds like, she has it severely, she is drinking alcohol and taking drugs on top of the depression.
I think he has done the wrong thing by kicking her out, she is not being herself and cannot help it, she needs serious professional help, and she needs her loved ones by her side, especially her partner. Before she harms herself or the baby.
Understand this though, not all women who suffer postnatal depression harm or want to harm their children. Just like all forms of depression, it depends on the person.
 I am in no way an expert, but I can relate, as I unfortunately suffered from it when I had my child, I had bad experiences in hospital, an emergency c-section and a few other things happened, on top of me being young and it made me very scared, emotional and I felt like a failure. Still til this day I say that I am a failure at everything, as I couldn't even give birth to my child right!
I never wanted to harm my child, never, ever. I just felt  very lonely, alone, sometimes very angry, I would lash out mostly at my partner, sometimes run away to my best friends or my mothers house in the middle of the night.
My partner took this personally, but it wasn't personal, I was sick, unfortunately still til this day, he takes it personally.
Please, if you are suffering from postnatal depression, do whatever it takes to get yourself well again, do not just stop taking your medication without doctors advice. Or if you think you have postnatal depression, do not ignore this, ask for help, do not let pride or fear stand in your way.
If you know someone who may be suffering from this, please talk to them, and be their rock, we need at least one person in our life that will stand by us. Help to get them professional help. Go to your doctor or counsellor, or even research it all online.
Before it is too late.
www.bupa.com.au/Depression
http://www.beyondblue.org.au/

Actress BROOKE SHIELDS has a great book about her experiences with it, it is called DOWN CAME THE RAIN. It is worth reading, even if you cannot relate to postnatal depression. I think it is good for men to read a book like this too.

love.love.love
M.R xo

jar of hearts

thankyou Miss Blue for this song!  I love you! <3

JAR OF HEARTS Christina Perri
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8v_4O44sfjM

I know I can't take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

And it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?

what do you do when you can no longer reason with someone who chooses not to hear you?

Ok, so he left May 1st 2010 and August comes along and I can no longer get through to him, he refuses to be reasoned with, he doesn't listen to me and if he does, he twists my words or only hears what he wants to hear. He treats me like his mortal enemy, his nemisis, he cannot speak normally to me anymore, it seems no matter how I approach things with him, with us etc, somehow IT/I infuriate him even more. It's like I don't even have to try to piss him off, just my existance shits the fucking life out of him. My nerves are shot to shit, I am at my wits end, dangling by a bloody thread.
how do we get someone to listen to us and really hear us?

remember this saying/poem???

IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING
SET IT FREE
IF IT COMES BACK TO YOU
IT IS YOURS
IF IT DOES NOT
IT WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE

One of my dearest friends reminded me of this in a recent email, so I wanted to write a short blog about it...
I have it on a small poem card that I bought for myself many years ago as a teen when my first love and I broke up. We broke up on and off as teens do, then something that was hard on both of us caused him to leave me, which caused me to have a breakdown. I wanted so badly to hate him, but deep down, I never did, never have. We split for about 3 years, then got back together, I remembered that poem card, and I thought it was really true. But this time he has left me, our family and this time, in my heart of hearts, I am certain it is for good, forever. Nothing lasts forever, and dealing with that, is something I thought I would cope better with as an adult. I hope that light at the end of the tunnel isn't too far ahead, because I am emotionally exhausted and drained.

Do you believe in this poem?
Do you believe there is light at the end of the tunnel?
Do you believe that nothing lasts forever?
Do you believe love is worth the heartache and the risk?

love.love.love
M.R xo

Welcome to the wonders & ponders of Madame Roseus

This blog is my way of venting, questioning, pondering, wondering and to release my anxieties and fears.
I appreciate whomever may seek interest and peeks. When people go through really tough times like myself, we always seem self-absorbed, but really we feel like we are alone, lost and in desperate need to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am not a know-it-all, I am not an attention seeker, I am just a woman, trying to move on and dodge the lemons that life is throwing at me these days. I really hope we can help each other. So stick around and lets see where this tunnel ends.
love.love.love
M.R xo