Tuesday, January 25, 2011

All the hurt I bestowed upon you was stupid on my behalf.
All the hurt you've bestowed on me was full of painful lies.
It should never of come to that or this.
Each other's first loves shouldn't end this way...


Friday, January 7, 2011

love/hate

Hello Lovelies,
Just a really quick pondering blog from me!

In the words of Penny from THE BIG BANG THEORY "love Trumps hate"

Do you believe that loves makes the world go around?


Can we really end up hating the person we loved so much with just as much hateful passion?
Do you know what I mean by this?
We always hurt the ones we love the most...
Do you believe this?
Can it also be that we also end up hating the ones we loved the most?
I wanna know your thoughts on this.
TO LEAVE COMMENTS, LOOK TO YOUR LEFT HAND SIDE OF THIS BLOG AND CLICK 'COMMENTS'!

love.love.love

M.R xo

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

women, the stronger gender...

My dear friend "T" said those words to me today....and I definitely agree. We are stronger and as "T" said, " We do what we gotta do to protect our own".
Words from a wise woman, who has been through alot of life's rollercoaster rides the past few years +.
I don't really care if people don't like this post and don't agree with me. It is my opinion and I'm never gonna not believe it.
"T" and I are both single mothers, going through tough divorces, hard times, emotional times, times where we don't believe in ourselves or in others, times where we cry, times, where we scream, times when we wanna just give up and go into hiding.
But we don't!!!
We can't!!!
Because if we give up on ourselves, we give up on our children, we let them down, so we keep going, we keep trying to smile and soldier on, for them, because they are our lives, our world, our universe.
I've started a 2nd job, I'm into my 2nd day only and already it is testing me, testing my will, testing my patience, forcing me to smile when I really wanna run crying and screaming. But I gotta push myself, because I need the money, to make ends meet, for my son and I.
Every minute, I say in my mind " I'm doing this for him, I'm doing this for us".
To all the single mothers and single fathers out there, we soldier on, for our kids, because if it wasn't for them, I know that most of us would just give up.

love.love.love

M.R x

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

greener grass

I am wondering and pondering on this old saying "THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE"
but is it? Is it really? Says who? I am 'Switzerland' on this....because I think it truly depends on the situation and the circumstances.
Like, if someone is in an abusive relationship, not all relationships are like that, so therefore, the grass is greener on the other side.
Get my drift?
Or what about people who have affairs? They could be feeling BORED or UNAPPRECIATED in their relationship, or whatever their 'reason', at the end of the day, it is a poor excuse, because it is never okay to have an affair, too many people get hurt for that person's moment or ongoing moments.
I have known of alot of people who have had affairs, and realised it ain't all it is cracked up to be and their partner wasn't so bad after all.
I remember this woman, who my ex and I caught in a public place with her 'affair', she didn't know what to do when she saw us, she had waiting at home a husband and 2 kids. It put us in an awkward position because we didn't know if we should tell her husband. We ended up agreeing to stay out of it, knowing her guilt and fear would get the better of her and she would confess to her husband, probably worried we would tell him first.
So she ended up telling him, she then left her husband and her kids to be with the guy she was having the affair with, she ran off with him, didn't really bother with her kids for about 18mths, then broke up with the guy and wanted her fucking family back!!!!  Her husband didn't take her back and he has custody of their kids.
So there ya go, she thought the fucking grass was greener and she was fucking wrong! She ended up losing the guy, her husband and her kids!
Look, I totally understand that we aren't always truly happy or content with what we have, whether it be our relationships, our jobs, our homes. Someone is always gonna have life bigger and better, or so we think...
 Maybe the family across the road with the nice cars, the boat, the pets, the big modern house, the great jobs, the 5 kids, maybe they aren't always happy, maybe they sit and wonder about if the grass is really greener on the other side too?
I know I have thought it, I contributed big time to my marriage breakdown and I truly regret it all, all the shitty parts that got me to where I am now.

So my lovely wonderers and ponderers, have you ever wondered if the grass is greener on the other side? Have you taken that peek? If so, was it? Is it?

My mind is curiouser and curiouser!!!

M.R xo

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

postnatal depression



I think I have the right to blog about this as I have been through it myself.
I know it is a touchy subject, and most people do not understand until they have been through it themselves.
Watching someone go through it, does not always make you understand what they are experiencing, alot of people involved take it personally, like we who have or are going through postnatal depression are doing it on purpose, because we are a bitch, or nasty or just plain nuts.
Believe me, it is none of those reasons, we don't purposely go through it!
The reason why I am bringing it up is because my friend was telling me how her guy friend has just kicked his partner out of their home (oh sorry, HIS home, ya know coz he paid for it! typical, heard that line a zillion times before) because she is suffering from postnatal depression! She has a 3yr old from a previous relationship and a 10mth old with him. Apparently she has suffered with depression before, so just in my opinion, has probably never gotten over that form of depression, probably suffered postnatal depression with her first child and now with this child, so it is very likely she never got over the other depressions, and now they are combined.
She has only recently agreed to take medication, but from what it sounds like, she has it severely, she is drinking alcohol and taking drugs on top of the depression.
I think he has done the wrong thing by kicking her out, she is not being herself and cannot help it, she needs serious professional help, and she needs her loved ones by her side, especially her partner. Before she harms herself or the baby.
Understand this though, not all women who suffer postnatal depression harm or want to harm their children. Just like all forms of depression, it depends on the person.
 I am in no way an expert, but I can relate, as I unfortunately suffered from it when I had my child, I had bad experiences in hospital, an emergency c-section and a few other things happened, on top of me being young and it made me very scared, emotional and I felt like a failure. Still til this day I say that I am a failure at everything, as I couldn't even give birth to my child right!
I never wanted to harm my child, never, ever. I just felt  very lonely, alone, sometimes very angry, I would lash out mostly at my partner, sometimes run away to my best friends or my mothers house in the middle of the night.
My partner took this personally, but it wasn't personal, I was sick, unfortunately still til this day, he takes it personally.
Please, if you are suffering from postnatal depression, do whatever it takes to get yourself well again, do not just stop taking your medication without doctors advice. Or if you think you have postnatal depression, do not ignore this, ask for help, do not let pride or fear stand in your way.
If you know someone who may be suffering from this, please talk to them, and be their rock, we need at least one person in our life that will stand by us. Help to get them professional help. Go to your doctor or counsellor, or even research it all online.
Before it is too late.
www.bupa.com.au/Depression
http://www.beyondblue.org.au/

Actress BROOKE SHIELDS has a great book about her experiences with it, it is called DOWN CAME THE RAIN. It is worth reading, even if you cannot relate to postnatal depression. I think it is good for men to read a book like this too.

love.love.love
M.R xo

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

jar of hearts

thankyou Miss Blue for this song!  I love you! <3

JAR OF HEARTS Christina Perri
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8v_4O44sfjM

I know I can't take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

And it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?

what do you do when you can no longer reason with someone who chooses not to hear you?




Ok, so he left May 1st 2010 and August comes along and I can no longer get through to him, he refuses to be reasoned with, he doesn't listen to me and if he does, he twists my words or only hears what he wants to hear. He treats me like his mortal enemy, his nemisis, he cannot speak normally to me anymore, it seems no matter how I approach things with him, with us etc, somehow IT/I infuriate him even more. It's like I don't even have to try to piss him off, just my existance shits the fucking life out of him. My nerves are shot to shit, I am at my wits end, dangling by a bloody thread.
how do we get someone to listen to us and really hear us?